best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
