So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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