so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Randomize
