wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
