someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
