u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
