Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
