I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
