the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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