I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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