How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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