i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
