Just mADE A PArabola og urine
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
