For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
