If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
