Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Still dying that you shit outside
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
