So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
