U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Everyone says I win the strip club
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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