pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize