I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
