I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
