haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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