i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
