heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
