I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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