no, he came in my armpit
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
