alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sext me about skeletons
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
