You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
