I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize