so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
