i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
