Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
