I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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