Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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