Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
