he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
