Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
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at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
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When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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