real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
