so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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