The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
