and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
