Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
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She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
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I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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