Cold hands, warm shart.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
