He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
