I feel great
I just peed on a car
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
