my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
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I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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