It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
