he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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