so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
