he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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