He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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