So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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