Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
