We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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