Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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