I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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