you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
