im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I met the friendliest cop last night
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
