If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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