I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
