i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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