he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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