What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
