when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
