I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
